Days Free of Fic: 0
Longest Streak: 1
Current Subscriptions: 10
Current History/Bookmarks: 15
Todays Steps:
- Quitting Fic: Deleting Bookmarks, Favorites, and other Links
- Moving Forward: Favorite Things Outside of Fanfiction
Yesterday sucked. I didn’t get a post written, I read quite a bit of fic, I was moody and exhausted and hopeless. I was literally disappointed that I wasn’t sick when I woke up in the morning because it meant I had to go to work and hang out with family.
This was all especially disappointing because it was Halloween and I loved Halloween. Well. Still do I think. But this year overall emotions have been weird and missing half, so it was sad to not be as excited. My house was only half decorated, I didn’t dress up, just half-hearted attempts overall.
But I want this to change. Badly. I want to find a new version of Mels that is physically and mentally healthy, resilient and not dreading day after day. And I know its gonna be hard but the one thing I always have is it will happen someday and fighting is worth it. I encourage you to never forget that either. Where you are right now is temporary. Tomorrow is new but so is next year and five years ahead. Future you is worth fighting for.
Step 3: Deleting Bookmarks in Platform and Browser
Starting Number: 8
This step was easy for me. Which was a nice break after the struggle that was history yesterday. I had three bookmarks. I deleted them all. I checked my browser to see if I had any bookmarks (though thats not my current style) and didn’t find any.
Number of Bookmarked/Latered: 5
Then I went through and deleted any records of “Read Later” or “Marked Later” in AO3 and my browser. I only had 2 in AO3 and 3 in my browser. These were super easy cause there was no attachment to the stories as well.
If these steps are harder for you than what I had here please go read the previous two articles again and do sweeps like I did there. I’m anticipating History is a lot easier for a lot of people and this is a lot harder.
Ending Number: 0
Having a 0 on a list is a pretty good feeling to start this morning with. It also motivated me to go through again and clean up/edit subs list and history. I was able to knock a couple off of those lists as well that is tracked above. It also helps me make sure that any slips I make, I’m not increasing the numbers in these lists.
Step 3: THINGS I LOVE
Knowing why fanfiction addiction is bad for me and forcing myself to face some of the effects and losses it has cost me is motivating. However, as I cut fic out I find these gaps in my day that have nothing to fill them and that makes it oh so easy to just slip back into it. So I wanted to start a list of things I LOVE that I want to spend more time on.
- Myself
- Honestly I’m putting this on more because I know I should. I’m not there all the time, but this is something I want to love.
- My Pets
- Princess (cat), Prince (cat) and Jester(dog) are honestly half the reason I get up in the morning. I love them so much and I want to interact with them more. Jester especially his a high energy dog that loves adventures and I love the joy it brings him. I want to provide more opportunities for this.
- Learning
- I love learning. I love reading non-fiction, taking little free online courses or signing up for local classes. The feeling of my brain being challenged just enough and having to puzzle things out is really really good.
- Being Physically Healthy
- Again this is a little more of a thing that I want to love, than something I know I love right now. Working out feels awkward to me its not something I was ever exposed to growing up, and I’m a super picky eater, so eating healthy has its own challenges.
- However, Taco Bell three days a week is not healthier and is definitely more expensive than tomato soup with grilled cheese or mac and cheese with sausage and peas. So there are easy places to start.
- Also walks are nice. (Sadly walks with Jester are not a thing because he’s wildly reactive and I have not been spending time training him)
- Being financially healthy
- Feeling financially secure is hard nowadays and drives up stress when you can’t feel that way (thus read more, cycle continues). However I used to have a decent little savings fund for emergencies that has been stripped this last year, and fic has contributed
- Okay, fanfiction is theoretically the cheapest hobby ever. Totes free online. However, the risks its approach to my job and the money I’ve spent trying to shortcut things like eating out instead of cooking, hiring organizers, house cleaners, and kinda slipping patterns of shopping to feel good means this year has been a huge blow to my finances.
- Basically Fanfiction contributes to the mental state of poor financial decisions.
- Being Mentally Healthy
- The main driver. I know what its like to be more mentally healthy than I am now and I desperately want that back. But its going to take time, energy and stress, and I need take those things back from fanfiction that stole them.
What are three things you LOVE or WANT TO LOVE and KNOW would make your life better if you could get time and energy back to do them?
Take a step forward. Even baby steps count. You’ve got this. – Mels.
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