Stalled

Days Free of Fic: 0
Longest Streak: 1
Current Subscriptions: 10
Current History/Bookmarks: 9

I’m so stalled. I feel like I’m struggling every day to just be and I know fanfiction does not help as work changes drive panic about productivity, but at the same time I still have limited coping mechanisms when that panic raises up and washes over me.

The next step as well is one I know was going to be so challenging. The steps are like chasing a rabbit through well-known tunnels underground. I set them up the way I did because I know how my mind works and I know what outs it is going to take and this is one of the big ones that I’m struggling to wrap my mind around still.

Most evenings fic seems to be the only thing that soothes the nausea and anxiety that are overwhelming my body. But at the same time I don’t remember a day I haven’t cried.

I’m going to go back and read my whys. Read the things I want. Try to regain some more fire and determination about creating a new life and a new me. I’m talking to my therapist today as well as considering reaching out to another friend to fill her in on this and have another resource for accountability and support.

What is one next step you are taking in the direction you want to go? No matter how small? You can do it. ~ Mels